Log in

22 November 2011 @ 03:58 pm
Fandom: F1
Pairing: OC/Sebastian Vettel/Jaime Alguersuari
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: death (suicide)
Genre: One shot, drama, angst, love triangle
Disclaimer: I don't own these people, though I do own the plot. This is only a work of my imagination, so it has never happened and I'm not intending to insult anyone or anything like that.
Summary:  Love is always painful. Especially when you're in love with a close of friend of yours, who doesn't seem to love you back.

A/N: I tried to make the OC likable. But since when have people ever liked OCs? Especially ones involved in love triangles. Well, I at least tried. Please do tell me what you think, I really appreciate getting feedback :)

”My princess, I told you not to come! You will just distract me from my work”, Sebastian exclaimed, but his facial expression told that he was more than pleased to see the girl standing there in the paddock wearing a white summer dress, which was waving in the weak summer breeze. The smile on the German’s face was bright as the summer sun, as he took the girl in his arms. “Baby, I’ve missed you”, he whispered in her ear. 

She giggled slightly. “That’s why I’m here”, she said with a smile, which expressed her love towards the man holding her.

“You are such a stubborn pretty princess, Emily!” Sebastian exclaimed and lifted the girl a bit in the air.

“I know, but I needed to see you!” Emily giggled.

“If Christian or somebody else kills you or me, then it’s not my fault, but your own. You know you shouldn’t be here, girlfriends aren’t liked here. Christian has always appreciated my promise of not bringing you here and now you’re here.”

“Oh come on, only once! Besides, I can promise to stay away from your work, there’re other things to do than tease your boss by hanging around here on the paddock. I can see you later then.”

Sebastian sighed. He didn’t feel like letting go of the girl, but he knew he had to in order to save their lives. Or well, save them from getting somebody’s anger on them. Besides, he needed to concentrate on the qualifying ahead.

“Go then. We can see later, as you wish”, Sebastian said.

“Yes, we can. Bye then dear!” Emily said and gave a kiss on Sebastian’s cheek.

“See you later, princess!” Sebastian exclaimed when the girl was already walking away. She turned around to wave at him and then continued her walking.

Jaime had been looking at the two lovers the whole time from a bit further away. He couldn’t really hear anything they were saying, except for the occasional exclaims of Sebastian. But it didn’t matter, it was easy to see the happiness and the love between the two without hearing their words. It was all over them, in the way they looked at each other, in the way they were both smiling so genuinely and in the way they were physically so close. They were so easy and breezy and perfect in the summer sun. A truly lovable couple straight from a romantic movie in all of their perfectness.

This scene, which would’ve made any hopeless romantic sigh in amazement, only made Jaime feel sick. He wasn’t used to seeing Emily around and even without her presence the love Sebastian had towards her was obvious. And even that was enough for Jaime to make him feel horrible, so now that the girl really actually was here, it felt even worse. Now he didn’t only have to listen to Sebastian’s constant blabbering about the girl, but really witness the love these two shared.

Every time Sebastian was referring to Emily in his conversations with Jaime, Jaime couldn’t help but feel imperfect, not good enough. He wanted to be good enough, he needed Sebastian’s attention. He was so emotionally attached to the German that he was practically in love with him. He just didn’t want to admit being in love, because he knew that loving someone you can never get hurts too much. Unfortunately, it hurt as much even if you didn’t call it love.

How Jaime wished he could be there in Emily’s place as Sebastian’s lover and precious. But of course, it wasn’t possible. Sebastian was so in love with Emily and they clearly belonged together. Jaime couldn’t stand his feelings that were still hoping for the impossible to happen, hoping for Sebastian to show him the affection he was showing to Emily. This was only breaking his heart apart, it was no use loving somebody you could never get.

Seeing Sebastian and Emily so happily together made Jaime realize once again how miserable his life was. There was the guy he wanted so badly and the girl whose place he wanted to have. He was lonely, jealous and bitter. Could he get any more pathetic?

“Hey Jaime, I haven’t seen you for a while”, Sebastian greeted Jaime, who hadn’t been expecting him to talk to him. Of course, you haven’t seen anyone because of Emily, he thought to himself, before saying anything.

“Hey”, Jaime only said and kept his thoughts to himself.

Sebastian started to talk about some technical stuff, but Jaime wasn’t really paying attention to his words. He was just examining the other man, his facial expression, his eye lashes, his lips, all the small details. He was so in love with everything about the German. All he wanted to say instead of the occasional yeahs was I love you. He wanted to scream it out loud, get it out of his chest.

And he almost did it too. He just couldn’t hold it inside him any longer.

“I love you”, he whispered. But only whispered, hoping that maybe Sebastian wouldn’t hear him from his technical talking.
Unfortunately, Sebastian did hear that. He stopped his talking and stared at Jaime wondering if he had heard wrong. Jaime bit his lip and didn’t dare to look at Sebastian, which actually gave him out.

“You really said that, didn’t you?” Sebastian asked.

Jaime didn’t say anything, which clearly meant that he was guilty.

“I didn’t know… This is a bit awkward”, Sebastian stated trying to figure out what to say. One of your best friends doesn’t everyday come up to tell you they love you. It was a rather confusing situation.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just needed to say that. Now you can forget all about it. Okay?” Jaime tried to fix his slip.

“I don’t think I can just forget about it. I don’t want to ignore your feelings”, Sebastian said.

“That is very thoughtful of you, but seriously Seb, it’s easier if you just ignore them. You have a girlfriend, don’t you? When I can’t possibly get any of the love back, it’s just better to ignore it.”

“You can’t ignore your own feelings, can you? Ah, this isn’t an ideal situation. I don’t want to hurt you, but as you said it yourself, I have a girlfriend who I love very much.”

“I know, this is stupid and I’m pathetic, but what can I do to my feelings?”

“Jaime, you are one of my dearest friends and I really wish to keep it that way. I really do hope this won’t ruin anything.”

“It won’t. But…”

“But what?”

“But I just don’t know how long I can stand this.”

“I know it must be tough. This is a very complicated situation… There’s really nothing I can do.”

“You’re absolutely right, there’s nothing you can do and that’s why I’m not sure if we should keep our friendship.”

“You… you don’t want to be friends with me anymore? Because of this?”

“It’s so hard for me, you can’t understand what it’s like to hear you talk about her constantly and then see you with her… You don’t know what it’s like to be in love with someone who you can never get, you have your love right there where you want her to be.”

Jaime was holding back his tears, but one escaped and rolled on his cheek. Sebastian wiped it away gently.

“I’m so sorry Jaime, I really, sincerely am. Don’t cry, oh please don’t cry! I don’t want to hurt you, I really don’t”, Sebastian talked. He knew that if the other man started crying, he would be very close to tears himself.

Jaime pressed his head on Sebastian’s chest and his hot tears wetted Sebastian’s shirt slightly. Sebastian let his fingers comb through Jaime’s hair. He pressed a small kiss on Jaime’s forehead and let him cry on his chest.

They stayed like that for a while. Sebastian was just holding Jaime in silence. Occasionally a small sob broke it, but neither of them said a word. Sebastian started humming some random, soothing melody, like he was trying to calm down a child.
Jaime felt good, too good. He wouldn’t have wanted to ever let go of Sebastian. He just wanted to be there in his arms, feel his warmth, hear his heartbeat and smell his scent.

“If I can never get this, I want to let go of it completely”, Jaime sighed. He had stopped crying a long time ago.

“So you still think we can’t go on as friends?” Sebastian asked.

“Yes, I still think so.”

“Too bad. I’m going to miss you. You have been a very good friend to me”, Sebastian said and felt the tears make their way in his eyes.

“Yes, I will miss you even more…”

“It’s hurting me that I’m hurting you. It really is. And we can’t live without seeing each other, we’re both F1 drivers…”

“It will be better for me, if we won’t say more than the occasional greetings, trust me.”

Sebastian sighed. “I hate this.”

“Me too, it’s all my fault.”

“No it’s not. You can’t decide who you fall in love with.”

Jaime smiled. “That’s true, but seriously, who wouldn’t fall in love with you?”

Another day Jaime ran into Emily near the paddock after he had finished his practice session. Emily greeted him with a smile. Jaime thought about ignoring her at first, but then he changed his mind for no obvious reason.

“You’re Jaime, aren’t you? Sebastian’s friend?” Emily asked happily. Obviously Sebastian hadn’t told her about the situation they had had a day ago.

“I am Jaime yes, but…” Jaime drifted off. He wasn’t sure what to tell Emily, who was watching him eagerly waiting for him to complete his sentence.

“We’re not that close friends”, Jaime said.

“Oh, I thought you were…”

“No, we’re not.”

Emily was smiling broadly once again. “He is a very sweet man, isn’t he? I truly don’t understand how I could’ve found such a perfect man”, she said. She couldn’t possibly know how much hurt her words caused in Jaime.

“Oh yes, he is. A truly wonderful human being”, Jaime sighed. He hadn’t really expected Sebastian to react the way he had when he had told him about his feelings. Sebastian’s tenderness had only proved him more of the fact that Sebastian was a genuinely good and wonderful person.

“I’m sorry for being this boring and just talking about him, but what can I do? He makes me go crazy and I don’t think I haven’t been thinking rationally since the day I met him”, Emily talked more to herself. Jaime watched her, examined her smile and the glint in her eyes. Her eyes were shining with love and her random blabbering was pure love. This woman was clearly in love.

And she definitely deserved Sebastian more than Jaime did, or that was how Jaime saw it. They were a pretty couple so in love with each other. Their perfect little romance was only ruined by the presence of him, even though Emily had no idea about the way he was involved with them. His love only made things worse whereas Emily’s love seemed to be so pure and bubbly that it could only lighten up things.

Jaime couldn’t help but like the girl, even though she was the one who had the heart of the man he was in love with. She was nice and energetic and full of positive energy. It felt like she had been made for Sebastian, they were so perfect together that it only made Jaime feel imperfect in every possible way. He couldn’t blame the girl for everything. Of course Sebastian would choose her over him.

Jaime felt like he was only complicating things with his presence. He wasn’t needed, he only made things worse. World would definitely be a better place without him. Actually he was starting to think that he would make a favor for the world, if he just perished. Then Sebastian wouldn’t have to worry about hurting him. Sebastian could continue his happy life happily with his happy girlfriend. And everything would be perfect. Nobody pathetic and stupid to disturb him from making the girl the happiest one on the planet. It sounded so good that it couldn’t be ignored. Unfortunately, perishing the way Jaime decided to do it, didn’t make anyone happier. The exact opposite actually.

The funeral took place on a pretty summer day. Sebastian wasn’t even holding back his tears this time. He hadn’t been crying for the whole week after he found out what had happened, because he had been just too shocked to do that. Emily had been weeping in his arms since the day one, because something had made her to believe that it was all her fault. Sebastian however hadn’t cried a single tear until arriving in the cemetery and seeing the calm body lying lifeless in the coffin.

Seeing the dead corpse concretely had really made Sebastian realize that his dear friend he had known for so many years was now dead. Dead and gone, not breathing, not ever walking on this planet again. And he blamed himself for it. He hadn’t found the right words to make Jaime believe that he could get over his love for him and that he meant something to Sebastian even though they didn’t feel the exact same about each other.

That was what he had tried to explain to Emily too, but Emily had very stubbornly said that it was her fault. She had been crying herself to sleep for many nights. She truly was a sensitive person and she couldn’t take this much tragedy this close to her, especially when she had a reason to believe she had triggered Jaime to do this to himself.

The funeral was beautiful and touching. Sebastian was supposed to make a speech, but he couldn’t possibly do that. Jaime’s parents were asking him constantly why their son had done it, but Sebastian never answered. He didn’t want to make it worse by telling them that he had done it because he had been in love with him and because he had wanted him to continue his life without worrying about him.

Maybe the blame really belonged to Sebastian, but Sebastian knew that Jaime wouldn’t appreciate it, if he would just continue to blame himself and sink into the sorrow. No, Jaime had wanted him to go on and live the life he and Emily were destined to live. Sebastian took it as Jaime’s last wish and he wanted to fill it, so that Jaime wouldn’t have died for nothing, even though the suicide had been very unnecessary.

So he did. He did live his life to the fullest, living it also for Jaime. There were constantly moments when he was thinking if only Jaime could be there and experience this with him.

One of those moments happened years after the tragic death of Jaime, when Sebastian was just casually sitting on a bench in a park and watching the children play. It was exactly five years after Jaime’s funeral, the exact same day. It was as pretty summer day as it had been on the funeral, the sun was shining and a gentle breeze was waving the leaves of the trees.

Emily was sitting next to him, holding his hand and caressing it. One of the children playing came forward to them with a small miniature formula in his hand. He was about three years old with blue, innocent eyes.

“Daddy, is this like your car?” the boy asked with a small frown. He had certainly been thinking about this for some times already.

“It is, Jaime, it is”, Sebastian said and watched, as the boy turned his back and went back to play with the car.